Turning the Corner
Tuesday, April 21st 2009 @ 7:20 AM
Soon after I lost my husband, I was talking with a woman who had gone through a difficult divorce. "How long before life is normal again?" I asked. "About 10 years," she replied. Ten years? TEN YEARS?
I remember thinking that I didn't want to give away 10 years of my life. However, it's been six and a half years since that conversation, and I think I've finally turned the corner on the whole healing thing. Perhaps my friend was overly optimistic in her timeline, because it appears that I'm on the 13-year plan. 
But I've learned that life does not stop when things aren't 'normal':
- I discovered a deep passion for photography, and launched a successful business.
- I purchased and live in a wonderful, artsy home in an old, treelined neighborhood that's only a 20 minute walk from downtown.
- I've traveled - a lot.
- I've forged deep friendships with others who are also passionately involved in living. Some have old hurts, and some have new and very deep wounds. We share a sense of the sacred - that life is precious, that we need to see/hear/touch/taste/feel it every day.
And I'm living. My friends are living. Deeply, fully. Life doesn't stop with pain and tragedy - we have the opportunity to push forward in the midst of our travails. And we see things and experience things that we would otherwise miss.
As I said, I've turned the corner. How do I know? I think it has to do with settling in and feeling the life that I'm living. For example, over these past years, I have considered moving to New York, to Glasgow, to Italy, to Chicago, to Austin - to any city that was exciting and cultured. But I realize that I have carved out a very nice life here in Salem, and I've decided to stick around and enjoy it for a good, long time.
Also, I am happy with myself. I like me - I think I'm kind and funny and passionate about all kinds of things and....sufficient unto myself. Happy. I love my books and my writing and my gardens and my doggie and the culture that this little city has to offer. I love to play my guitars and my ukulele. (Badly. Very badly. But it makes me happy to try.) I love my spiritual path, which has veered a little (just a little) in recent months.
Is my life sunshine and roses? Not by a long shot. But it is complex and nourishing and mine. I'll take it. My life, with all of its ups and downs, makes me the artist that I am. It shapes my photography. It channels itself through the lens of the camera and comes out as art, as my unique perspective on the world around me.
And that's LIVING.